Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Mr. Manatee appearing with Oscar and Roy

I must admit that I've seen and done many things in this life of mine, but my daughter is bringing me into a whole new world of "icky". I must admit her new hospital job is only confirming everything I've always known all these years about men.....they love to show off the family jewel kit. Unfortunately, it seems like it's the middle aged men with goat balls that really like to show their package. I mean doesn't every young woman want to gaze upon 50 and 60 year old dicks and balls? Men, I just love them. No matter how old they get they've still got the ego to think they've got the greatest looking pole and sinkers anyone could ever want.

I've been laughing weekly since her hospital job started. My husband, well I think he's slightly embarrassed to hear these stories from his daughter, but secretly he's thinking he's holding a great looking package too-- despite the effects of gravity. Her latest experience involved a middle aged man with lymphoma of the dick. I thought I knew about stuff, but I'd never considered lymphoma in the dick. Personally, I think men created this disease for themselves.

In she walks and there's this dude that's hung like a manatee and of course he's airing the salty dog out. From the description of things, the manatee would probably be jealous. Job duty of the day: massage the manatee dick to get the circulation going and reduce the swelling. I know I'm not the fastest squirrel up the tree, but I figured this was a hopeless treatment process...at least if man's physiology works like it used to. Massaging manatee dick will increase circulation and will also increase the swelling, thus causing fluid to be excreted through the orifices of that region of the body. Result: treatment failed and will need to be repeated three times per day for the rest of the fucker's life.

I can't imagine this guy will ever want to leave the hospital or the care of his certain P.T.A. He must have good insurance to get this treatment in the first place, so he might be able to ride out a few more months. I know my old man and if he was getting a daily massage of the grand old master manatee, he'd set up permanent residence inside of the hospital. He'd cause swelling just to get the physical therapy massage.

Which brings me to another subject, I had no idea Physical Therapists worked your manatee back into fighting form. I figured they just moved muscles and bones on your arms, legs and back. I didn't realize they had to doctor on the man's main muscle....and no I'm not talking about his heart. The manatee muscle and his oyster buddies Oscar and Roy. I don't know, but this sure brought the meaning of "icky" to a whole new level. I must say one thing...prostitutes in the hood are probably bringing in more money working on lymphatic dicks than a college graduate does. At least they know they can get a hospital job one day if they need it. They'll have experience.

Oh well, I thought I'd share that little tid bit of information. Makes one want to run right out and get a P.T.A. degree doesn't it? Which reminds me....manatee, Oscar and Roy's initials are MOR, which is exactly what the patient is yelling during the massage..."mor, mor, mor"......

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