Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Keep Your Balls On Course and the Lizard Drained With "UroClub"

When my husband came home and told me about the new "Uroclub" I could barely believe my ears. Golfers can now drink all the beer they like while on the golf course because of this darling little invention. You can now whip out the old lizard and drain it right in front of everyone by using your handy little club that is no golf club at's a hollowed out, fake golf club that holds your pee. It even comes with this cute little towel you wrap around your waist to hide your 5 iron from everyone while you pee in the stick.

Men, what they won't think of to be able to whip out their dicks in public and take a piss! Won't everyone become curious when all these guys are standing there with a cute little blue hand towel draped down their crotch and their hands hidden beneath it and a golf stick coming out from underneath it? How do you see the hole? I guess you just feel around for it with your pee swollen pee pee and hope you don't drip down the side of the "Uroclub".

My husband says how the guys say "It's sanitary" (hubby is no golfer by the way). Give me a fricking break. How is hiding a fake golf club underneath a towel and peeing into a hole you cannot see, be sanitary? The damn hole on the thing looks pretty darn small to me. I guess the inventor got the size of the hole right, but most men I know could never pee into a one inch diameter hole without dripping the shit all over the towel, their pants, hands, shoes and the damn "Uroclub" I know my old man isn't going to bring the thing home and clean it out after every use.

I can hear the conversations now, "Howie, why are my geraniums dying?"

"Dear I've been emptying the "Uroclub" there."

"Howie, I told you the Ixora not geraniums. The Ixora are acid lovers and that shit coming out of you is probably like ancient hydrochloric stuff."

And why haven't women golfers been gifted with some little device like the "Urosquat". Crotchless panties (no yeast infections ladies) and a nifty little camp-like chair that folds out and you can pee in a camouflaged little bag situated in the center encased in padding. You can just sit there looking like you're waiting for your friend to take her shot, sip your beer and piss in the chair. Remove the little bag and pour it out on the grass as fertilizer. With all the acidic "man pee" around the women's stuff has got to neutralize it.

Ladies married to golfers....for $24.95 you can buy your old man the gift that will just keep giving back time after time. Think of how cool you'll be in his mind, giving him the ability to stand up and pee like a man anywhere, anytime. The guys can now have a true pissing contest and never have to reveal the true size of George the Gecko. Whoever fills the Uroclub up first, wins the bet....more beer and another chance to use the Uroclub.

Too bad my old man doesn't golf or I'd probably be sick enough to buy one for him. I need the car size model that won't stab your eyes out trying to fit the stick between your crotch and the steering wheel. A uroclub wouldn't be safe in closed situations. Maybe I can think of something and make some quick bucks. I don't know, perhaps the "Whizwheel or Peter's Container"...I'll have to think about it.

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