Sunday, July 5, 2009

Dance Your Ass Off.....Or Not


I keep seeing previews of that new show "Dance Your Ass Off" for the past few weeks. In my channel surfing I haven't run across that show until tonight. Basically it's a show where fat people who are anywhere from 50 to over 100 pounds overweight want to lose weight and they'll do it by dancing and watching what they eat. The basic exercise plan seems to be dancing. It's kinda like "Dancing with the Stars Binging on Twinkies".

Basically, these poor fat fuckers get all dressed up in Lycra body suits that look like they've been designed by Liberachie. If not him, some transvestite had to be in the design process somewhere. These outfits are horrible for a fat person to wear and I'm a fat person so I know. 250 pound women have stretch midriff tops in canary yellow with streamers flying off them. I mean lets draw attention to the fat stomach.

Topping it off are the panel of judges. Give me a break! If a 250 pound woman can do two splits within a minute of each other, well, that bitch deserves a goddamn 10 if you ask me. I don't weigh 250 pounds and the last split I did was 25 years ago when I slipped on some soap in the bathtub. These people need to be given points for being willing to humiliate themselves in these horribly gaudy costumes they're forced to wear. Everyone I saw dance was doing a better job than the average skinny ass white person I know and I should know because I'm white. In fact come to think of it, most overweight people I know can move.

Personally, I'm glad to see more shows that show the average person walking the streets of American.....overweight but that can still shake a leg and don't give a damn and will wear costumes made for a person that's a size 5. Hell, just because a person is overweight doesn't mean that they don't have rhythm, don't like to dance and can't have fun. I'm so sick of shows that showcase these anorexic bitches with blond hair that look like their lips sucked on a hornets nest and lemon juice was squirted in their eyes. Who in the hell looks like that? You know if you see these type of people in real life you can't help but stare at them in disbelief. The fat people blend in because they're in the majority...OK, maybe the really, really fat people stick out.

This dance my ass off got me to thinking of the exercise plans that worked for me in the past--a past long, long ago. I hate planned exercising like walking, biking, jogging, weight lifting, yoga, Pilate's and I especially hate gyms. So it seems I hate all types of exercising, which is probably correct. All my weight loss regimes had dance included in them. I literally would "dance my ass off". Having your basic white girl flat ass, it wasn't too hard. It was my exercise plan and it worked quite well. I would dance for about an hour every day and the weight fell off. Of course this dancing was in the privacy of my home when I was alone but me and the dogs danced. I did so well I danced my flat white ass into an anorexic state.

Those days are well behind me and now my body looks like it's preserving itself for a nuclear winter. The show made me think about it though--I've stopped dancing of late. Somewhere 10 pounds have creeped upon my meatier white girl booty and I think it's because I've stopped my private dance sessions. I'm thinking about putting on my shiny bathing suit and wrapping some scarves around my waist and plugging in my Donna Summer CD. I've got some purple lipstick and black eyeliner too. Perhaps tomorrow me and the dogs will have a date to dance our asses off...or finally convince my husband I've lost my mind if he happens to walk in on us. I don't know, what do you think?

3 comments:

Diana said...

ROFL

Sounds like a plan.

Diana

norian20 said...

That Alli side effects story had me laughing so hard!
Thanks!

norian20 said...

That Alli side effects story had me laughing so hard!
Thanks!