Thursday, January 29, 2009

Dixie On My Mind

For weeks now the snowbirds have once again invaded the area with their slow driving skills and bitching and moaning. After years of not knowing whether I'm going to go the speed limit or 15 mph under, I've grown used to it. Not really, but I'm dealing with it. I've learned to plan my trip to work at least ten minutes earlier during this season, because of their horrible driving skills. Yes, I know us Floridians probably can't do mountains very well, but give me a dang straight line and I can run the heck out of it. You'd think after fifty years of driving experience, these people would do a bit better.

Now work, that's another subject all together. If I hear one more New Yorker tell me how great the place is and this place sucks, I'm going to go all southern on their ass. Every day lately I have to hear a person proudly proclaim they're from New York and how cheap everything is there. Why did you know that in New York a gallon of milk is still $1.50? Why you can buy any food product in that state for at least half as much as here. Did you know you can get apples that are fresher and real cheap up there? Did you also know that apples are not a Florida crop, I mean we are a citrus state. Personally, I think these people are taking too many meds, but that's my opinion.

I'm checking this lady out and for ten minutes I have to hear about how Florida sucks, in her thick New Yorker accent. Personally, give me a southern accent any day. Even when we are pissed, insulting you, or just being plain bad, it somehow sounds so much more palatable said with a southern twang entangled in the insult. After this lady has thoroughly insulted where I live, I believe she can see that bobcat look in my eyes and tries to back out. She proceeds to tell me they own another home here and come down six months every year. Frankly, she hates it here because everything is so expensive, but she does like the weather. Where is the red tide when you need it?

At this point I'm pinning my lipsticked lips together to keep from telling her to go back and some other choice words. I mean, if everything is so darn good in New York, the weather must be pretty good too. It seems to fit her and most of the whining New York personalities I've met lately, cold, frosty and pushy.

So far that's the only state that has seemed to feel compelled to repeatedly throw insults. Everyone else I've met from other northern states have been really nice. I'm not saying that everyone from New York is an ass, but so far they're the only state proud enough to announce it. I mean if life was so darn good there, stay.

I have a friend who has grown up and lived in Florida most of her life, but there's something about New York that she loves. I haven't been able to figure it out, but to each their own. Inexpensive was one thing she didn't say it was. Cigarettes are three times higher than here, as is everything else. In fact in New York, you can't even get someone to bag your groceries. If you don't pack them yourself, you won't be taking them out of the store. I'm sorry but the leg shackles of dixie are holding me in place. Now someone go get me some lipstick, a fried chicken wing and a beer and remember, y'all come back now!

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